It's been quite a while since I've added an entry here and I'm afraid things have gotten a bit worse. May 27, just after noon, my grandfather passed away. He was 87 and had survived quite a bit. Although I spent much time at his house playing games with my grandmother, I never really knew him that well. Rather, he was a simple person, an old tobacco farmer, and there really wasn't that much TOO know. I do hope to have Granny relay some stories about him; and stories she will have... they were married for over 60 years! I've always had admiration for couples like that and would love to accomplish something of that magnitude in my life. Being 30 though, even if I got married tomorrow (which in relation to relationship geography, I'm walking in the middle of the desert right now) I'd have to live to 90 to do so. Something to look forward to though.

Right now, I'm more dazed and confused than anything else. It's like, I don't want to cry (although I have and will, screw societies view on being a "man") since I cannot change the past but at the same time I don't want to be happy since I cannot share it with those I've lost. Does that make sense? Up till two months ago, I never was good at keeping things in order thanks to ADD and now my mind is just a mess. I'm moving into my brothers condo; he didn't have a will but what he had falls to me. Let me tell you, inheritance is bittersweet. I was quite happy with the little place I was renting and while I really despise gaining from my brother's loss, I don't wish for it to go to waste. He had gotten an awesome deal on this place and even with a crappy real estate market, it could immediately be sold for a profit. However, he wasn't planning on selling it till he finished grad school. Plus, in 2010 the Equestrian Games will be held in Lexington. This is like the Olympics for horses. The city is planning on renovating a large section of Main St to house a 5 star hotel, among other things. The condo is only a couple blocks away from this so I imagine the land value is either going to sky rocket or crash like a ton of bricks. The entire point is that money will be made off it, just like Brian was planning.

Between attending the funeral, working 2nd shift hours, moving, and many other tiny things, it's just hard to keep everything in order. I'm holding together as well as can be expected but I have this nagging paranoia of, "Just what else can go wrong?" I've been wanting to upload some photos and a few attempts at art, which I've done just to keep my brain occupied, but just never remember to do so when I have the chance. Hopefully once things get settled you'll see some more stuff from this end of the internet.